First Mom

All children have a first mom. The mom who carried them for 9 months. The mom who went through the agony of birth to bring them into the world. For most children, their first mom is the only one they will ever have.

Adopted children have more moms. The second mom for most adopted children is the first person they bond to after being separated from their first mom. This could be an orphanage nanny or a foster parent. Even if they are older when they are separated from their first mom they will quickly bond with their caregiver. This is a very important part of their development and it's very important for them to have a second mom until they are adopted.

I will be Sora's third mom. At this point she is old enough to have bonded with her foster mom. As hard as it will be for Sora (and us) when she first comes home, in the long run it is so important that she had this time.

I've been thinking a lot about Sora's (Bada's) first mom lately.

Praying for her.

Hurting for her.

I can't imagine giving up my child. I just can't fathom how hard it would be. Even if I knew I couldn't feed her. Or care for her. Even if I knew it was the best thing for her. I can't imagine. I wonder where she is. I wonder if she's hurting. I wish so bad I could hug her. That I could cry with her. I don't know much about her. I know she cared enough to name her.

I pray that God brings someone into her life to lead her to Him. Someone to tell her that only God can heal our hurts.

Years ago when we talked about adopting, open adoption always scared me. I thought I would feel threatened by my child's birth mother. But I don't feel that way at all about Sora's mom. I now see the advantages of knowing the family and even having them involved in the child's life. I definitely feel that it's a loss to our family as a whole that we won't have any sort of relationship with Sora's biological mother.

I hope that if Sora wants to, we can both one day meet her. If she doesn't, I'm completely fine with that too. I hope if Sora wants to meet her that she will want me to be a part of it. That our relationship will be close and open enough that she will want to share it with me.

I will always have a connection to her first mom. We are BOTH Sora's mom. We BOTH always will be. Because of this we will always have a connection. She is Sora's mom by blood; I am her mom by God's plan.

Some adoptive parents want to forget that their child has a first mom. I don't. For Sora's sake I hope I don't. Pretending she doesn't have a first mom doesn't make it so. And experience has shown the adoption community that it just doesn't work. I hope I always have these feelings. I hope my desire to pray for her doesn't change. Because I have a feeling that whatever her first mom is feeling now won't change either.