I feel like a 1st time mom - for the 1st time

Growing up as the oldest of 6 kids, I was always around babies. Taking care of babies, holding babies, changing babies… I loved it. So when it finally came time for me to have my own, I was in heaven. I think most first-time moms have some sort of anxiety, or worry about little things, or sometimes aren’t sure what to do. I never did. For me, every minute of the first year was bliss. On top of that, I did things that first time mom’s don’t do. You know, giving the passy back to the baby after it falls on the ground, leaving the child in the diaper all day – or at least until he pooped and complained about it, or not taking my child to the doctor the minute they showed any sign of being sick. Things like that. I’m sure there are moms out there that were like me, but most I come across are not.

All of that to say, I find myself worrying about every little thing when it come to Sora. Things I never worried about with my own kids. I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that she not with us. I can’t see first hand if she’s healthy, or acting like a normal baby. I don’t know if she’s being treated with love. I’ll never know if she was exposed to alcohol or drugs before she was born or was held and loved in the first important months of her life when she was in the orphanage.

One of the things our doctor pointed out was her head circumference. She assures us that everything is ok. I’m having a hard time not worrying about it. Researching it just makes me worry. She said if Sora was here or just one of our biological children a pediatrician probably wouldn’t have even pointed it out. When my kids were born, I couldn’t have told you what percentile their heads were in. I looked back at Micaiah’s records and his head was the same from birth to 2 months. The exact same measurement. But it wasn’t anything I ever even thought to worry about. Orin’s weight was in the 20th percentile and I loved it because he stayed my little baby for longer. Sora is just a little smaller than he was and I worry. Has she stopped growing? Is she getting enough food? I find myself researching EVERYTHING we see in her file. The ironic thing is that the things I worry about are all of the things the Doctor tells us are completely normal and fine. The ONE thing I don’t worry about is her Microtia and Aural Atresia.

I’m trying not to dwell on it. I don’t think I am.
I have my moments though.
I’m hoping that when she is here I won’t have these same worries.
God chose this child for us and we know that whatever health concerns she has we will be ok with. We won’t regret anything not matter what effect it has on our family. God is in control and I’m trying to remember that when I have the impulse to act like a first time mom. :-)